writing wrapped: 2021 ver.

[sunwalkr]

i thought it'd be fun to do this in 2021, seeing as this was when i got back into writing fic again - which was a wonderful decision. i've met so many lovely people here in the svt ficwriting community that i consider close friends now + have been privileged enough to read all their works and thoughts and it's really made me a much better person, let alone writer. i really can't imagine not having them you in my life before this year began (time is strange.)

> giving credit where it's due - format is heavily inspired by and lifted from hyojungss ; questions were modified from here

a lot happens in a year. let's see exactly what ao3 user sunwalker (yeah! username change!) got up to in 2021:

[jan 2, 2020 - dec 30, 2021]

# OF AO3 FICS: 4* (▲3)
# OF AO3 WORDS: 40.2k (▲19.6)
# OF DW FICS: 12 (NEW)
# OF DW WORDS: 12.6k (NEW)
TOTAL WORDS: 52.8k (▲32.3k)

*technically i have 7 works posted this year, but 3 were crossposted/polished up from 17hols. 3 of these are longfic which i'll get into later but i'm very surprised + proud of myself. i wrote a lot this year esp compared to last and esp for a hobby that i thought i wouldn't really do again (i'm so glad i did though. fic is the gift that just keeps giving)

A CLOSER LOOK

THE DETAILS

SEVENTEEN: 16 (▲15)
i only write for svt so there is no surprise here

>

POV COUNT:
seokmin (5)
minghao (4)
wonwoo (3)
jeonghan (2)
jihoon, seungcheol (1)

TOP 3 PAIRINGS
seokmin x minghao (x mingyu, 97z) [5]
seokmin x wonwoo (2.5)
seokmin x jeonghan (2.5)

MOST FUN PAIRING: wonwoo/seokmin/jeonghan + seungcheol x joshua

MASTERLIST

we'll be alright (i'm the one who loves you)
seokmin/chan, 12446, february
dk birthday bash

a wish your heart makes
seokmin/minghao, 11021, posted may - finished august
svt jukebox round 4

old dogs, new tricks
seokmin/wonwoo, 1760
svt rarepair 2.5

good for you (no, really)
seokmin/wonwoo/jeonghan, 15000, december
svt secret santa exchange

>

17hols fills
2020-2021 / 2021-2022

QUESTIONS

favorite fic you wrote this year?

• my favorite fic that i've written this year has to be good for you (no, really) though it has yet to be determined if that's because it's the most recent n therefore the most salient in my mind. i haven't got around to writing commentary for it and tbh idk if i ever will but first and foremost i have to say that risa's obsession was a large contributor to its inception as well (re: opening my eyes to wonhan). i also have to go back and fix the author's note asdfhajsdh just a neverending list of tasks that i need to do bc the smallest of things bother me and i won't feel good about it until i fix it.
• personally i think challenged myself a lot with writing this year, and this one was probably one of the most challenging. i kept writing scenes out of order with the need to put them in the fic with no plausible story that connected (or necessitated) all of them and then promptly kept swapping between hating and liking the fic bc i kept worrying about whether or not jww or yjh characterization - which i don't have much experience with in longfic T__T - made any sense. then i agonized about whether or not maya, my recipient, would like it (which thankfully, she did). i think i also experimented with writing style + unreliable narration which jww is perfect for, hoping to get readers caught between the (very real) struggle of living inside your head and eventually needing to act in the outside world, lest you realize that what's happening in your head isn't always what's read from your actions irl, so it seems. just. really fun themes and also adding yjh as an antagonist who really isn't was a fun twist... it was also of sorts a 3 person character study and relationship study looking from the outside in~ i've never really written anything like this before and i'm excited to push myself out of my comfort zone again ^^

longest wip of the year/shortest wip of the year?

• i actually try my best to write oneshots/write the entire fic before it's finished, because 1) i am bad at consistency in general. this has been a new years resolution of mix for 4-5 years running and i write it again every yr once i do my reflections; and 2) i get so excited about an idea i often lose steam if i let it marinate over time. i need to exorcise the fic and i need to do it asap rocky. i think i am also bad at foresight - ie. i want so many things to happen i forget that they should pull from a main theme - so planning things r my weakness... plot is a very large struggle for me asjdhfkja but i am proud to report 0 wips for 2021, though a wish your heart makes was very close to never being finished for these very reasons.

favorite character to write about this year?

• not so much favorite as it is surprised - yoon jeonghan. to be quite frank, he scares me ahskdfhasjd he's working up my bias list now after this year, and after i am starting to understand/view things a little differently, but he actually was a character i didn't think i'd write all that much bc it intimidated me to write him (and god forbid, write him wrong) and because i felt like there was this barrier to the way i perceived him that wouldn't let me do yjh pov justice? but then17hols hit and i wrote 2 seokhans early 2021 from jeonghan pov LOL so its really just a, bite the bullet thing for me. i think a large part of it stems from the fact that he is Slippery on Purpose which is really hard for me to warm up to because im not that good at pulling inferences. i prefer things that are straightforward and as they are, at face value, which is probably in part due to my virgo placements in both sun and rising. but now i am Seeing him and maybe that's a little worse, too.

something you learned this year

• i think i learned to keep things succinct (stares wordlessly at my total word count for the year) - ok well, at least in terms of pacing and how my scenes get structured as to not drag readers down with endless description/prose which i know i am guilty of, i do a much better job about being careful with word choice, syntax, rhythm, etc. to create worlds that are much more rich + evocative without feeling too slow/dragging out for the sake of long word counts
• i also found out confirmed that i do my best work when i am writing for something/for people/in ficfests (LOL all of my ao3 works are bc i signed up for fests) and when there is a deadline eating at my heels. insert something derogatory about the self and acts of service and how self-worth is intrinsically tied to into that. kim mingyu, u and i might be more alike than i am willing to admit. that being said though, i think writing for people/for something helps me focus the direction of fic + helps me plan where it's going to go. so, a double edged sword? most of the time the ideas i do choose to execute end up being for me indirectly because i did want to write it, i just needed that extra push. so it's not horrible, but definitely in 2022 i want to try writing something for the sake of writing for me.

number of comments you haven’t read + most memorable comment/review

• unfortunately i have this need to know what people think of the things i have written and so it's for this reason that there are a lot of comments that i've left unread (56) but i have actually read nearly the day i have gotten. i am frequently in my comments section but i will hardly respond. i apologize and i hate to admit it but i need the validation. BUT to be fair i leave them sitting in there for motivation and encouragement bc i have realized that most of my writing process is solitary in nature (which i think is in part of being afraid to be vulnerable + offering myself up to criticism from people i admire and trust, and well, i'm terrified of being judged - another 2022 resolution to add to the list). however, one of my favorite comments this year was this one:
  • "i just. i just think you write seokmin so perfectly. someone so human, in all his emotions, and not a pushover nor is he incapable of feeling hurt, sad, anxious, or like...well, put off. i'm so glad you write him so multidimensional - he's so unfailingly kind in your writing and still so, so real in his concerns and how he doesn't always know how or what to do - but he feels so strongly and lovingly anyways, even if not always to himself."
  • maybe i am cheating bc it was xia's message to me but it makes me really happy knowing ppl resonate with the way i choose to write seokmin (writing is a reflection of the self, authorship reveals more about you than you are aware etc. *sweats*) but comments of that manner i always hold extra dear because it means a lot that you are here, reading something i wrote, and getting that little message that i tucked in back out. i tend to write seokmin a lot, bc he is the svt that i identify with best + so ofc i will also have that pride when people comment on that characterization in my fic.

fics you wanted to write but didn’t

• pjo soonyoung/wonwoo/junhui trio where wjh is percy
• gyuhao idolverse canon compliant getting back together fic
• competitive sportsfic (ot13?)
• 96z modern magic demon summoning
• junhao space pirates found family AU

favorite fic you read this year

• i'm not always very good at reading and commenting. i'm even worse at bookmarking, but here were some stories that i never stopped thinking about after i read them. there's one haikyuu! fic in here bc it was beautifully written and in a style i hadn't seen before and just. enjoyed thoroughly. looking at it, these are all treatises on love (and feature ambiguous relationships). you could say i have a type.

 

heartsong by deadwines
AIMS by parallaxed
YELLOW LIGHT by heartspound
bluelove by klavier [and in turn, big blue by youremynumberone]
OBSESSION by tonyang (kurusui)
175°C for 60 minutes by geguri (tofuflower)***
dancing days by sunburst
this hour and what is dead by spanish_sahara

 

***xia wrote this for me and it was the most wonderful thing to wake up to on christmas. i highly highly recommend. there was so much love + attention to detail in here

FAVORITE LINES I WROTE THIS YEAR

openers

> good for you (no, really)

How does it feel to set yourself on fire?
 

Everything is deliberate. It’s slow. Intentional. It’s grabbing the match and holding it to a flame and standing still enough that you start to catch fire. Don’t flinch when it jumps, from one thing to another, right onto you. At first, it’s just warm, this glowing flame that licks at air and settles down on hair, on skin. Anything that it can touch. It’s almost pleasant. Then: hotter. More intense. Sweat drips down your neck now, that’s how high the temperature has gotten. Pain prickles at the periphery of awareness. Ouch, it tells you. Something hurts. Then: the hurt builds, it’s all too much. Sparks fly. An acceleration. The fire grows out of control, it consumes, feeds more and more and more. It gets greedy. It starts to swallow you whole. Something is burning. The smell of it stings your nose. Something is burning. A grim, sick sort of satisfaction rises to the surface. Something is burning.

You wanted this. Didn’t you?

 

 

> you've got such brittle armor

 

 

At first, Minghao hates Kim Mingyu.

 

He’s big and he’s clumsy — fumbling, always fumbling around, whether it’s with his feet or his tongue — and more often than not, pulls these brash, stupid maneuvers during training sessions that Minghao hates with a passion. Rangers have lost their lives doing a lot less.

 

It doesn’t matter to him if Mingyu miraculously lands them every single time. Minghao has been out there in the thick of it, when the rain sets down heavy and the kaiju are no longer these creatures on paper but instead these horrific monsters that tower over you, jaws snarling with spit, looking for blood. All that serves as the last barrier between you and death is your co-pilot next to you in that jaeger. Just you two, in the middle of a thunderstorm.

 

What saves you then?

okay looking at this i really want to try shorter opening lines next yr LOL

endings

> a wish your heart makes

 

There are some truths that are so powerful they pervade time.

In all the variations of the stories that they will tell about the boy king and his magician, one thing holds true: they loved each other.

 

Does anything else matter?

 

> what will they say about us?

 

“I would have.” Minghao’s voice does not waver. “I would not have left you.” So if Minghao couldn’t protect Wonwoo from the horrible things he had to do, Minghao could at least hold Wonwoo tight after the fact, to kiss everything away. Strip him of his guilt and share the burden. Hand in hand, heart to heart.

 

Isn’t that what it meant? To not be alone?

 

Wonwoo’s last words, melancholy and gentle, echoing through time. An apology for something Minghao’s long forgiven him for. I wanted to show you the sea.

 

> and what if we make ourselves even more meaningless?

 

They say that water has memory.

 

That it keeps a careful catalogue of everyone who passes through, retains a little bit of everything that is tossed into it. It writes its own history, tells its own stories. If this river could talk, it would tell you about a boy who threw his heart into the water in hopes that his sadness would go away.

 

But it doesn’t work like that.

 

In winter, Jeonghan stands in the middle of a river crying into his hands.

fun fact i actually write my endings before i write the beginnings. i think this shows. sometimes its good and sometimes it bad, bc i have this set idea of how the fic is supposed to go and it ends up derailing my motivation to work on the fic.

random lines

> we'll be alright (i'm the one who loves you)

Seokmin elects not to comment on that. Instead, he pushes his face further into his knees. “All I’m saying is, you just need one person to see you in a different light.” Maybe I am that person to you, is what he doesn’t say. Maybe we can be that person to each other. Chan hums.

“Maybe,” he says, very very softly.

> to tame the beast we call grief

Wonwoo loses his grip, Soonyoung for a second time. The pain is more bearable this time around, though maybe it’s because Wonwoo has learned what to expect.

> match my footsteps to yours

“Hey,” he whispers. “Why’d you leave?”

 

Seokmin’s smile dims imperceptibly, in the dark.

 

“Because I think I knew a part of me couldn’t bear it any longer if I’d stayed.” His gaze shifts a little, sliding just to the right to Mingyu’s head. Mingyu does not have to follow it to know that Seokmin is looking at a picture of Minghao caught out in the rain, smiling face turned up to the sky, content scrawled across all of his features. It is Mingyu’s most prized possession.

 

> there's a ghost in the room somewhere

 

 

The piano bench creaks as Jihoon continues to play, the way it does when someone tries to join him on it, even though the thing is tiny and just about to fall apart. Even after all these years, it stands. Something buried deep in Jihoon’s chest begins to unfurl. Something in him sings.

 

A breeze kisses the nape of his neck, tender, just the way that Seokmin used to.

 

Maybe Jihoon imagines that, too.

> my, what beautiful teeth you have

Hansol had wiped his mouth with a sleeve and it came away red. “Sorry,” he said, sheepish, in that way of his, eyes wide and full of expression. But Minghao could not tell what he was sorry for — being seen or being caught.

> i (dis)like you

 

Couldn’t Seokmin be mean, if he wanted to? He was allowed to be human, wasn’t he? To be sharp and unforgiving and a little undeserving of forgiveness?

“It was just a joke,” Seokmin tells Mingyu. “Honest. That’s all it was.”
 

UPWARDS & ONWARDS (TO 2022!)

2021
goals:
> publish at least 3 longfic ✓
> get better at outlining/world building ✓
> write for myself! + in a more orderly fashion/try my hand at sci-fi/fantasy ✓/ ✗
        - see above. i did technically hit the sci fi with 17hols but i want to make a bigger commitment to it in 2022
> seokmin pairing bingo ✗
         - i did manage to hit 7/13, which is pretty good! all 3 of my longfic were different seokmin pairings too, so that's a win in my book too T__T
> experiment with nonlinear narrative writing ✓

2022
goals: 
> write one fic WITHOUT seokmin in it. at all. 
         - kind of bc i want to see if i can do it. my guilty pleasure is making it about seokmin even if it isn't about him
> write one (1) fic for thyself - no deadlines, nothing! simply bc i want to
> 5 published fic on ao3 (5k+)
      > write at least one longfic for a pairing not in top 3 of this yr
> try sci-fi genre (more legit)


plans:
> expand on the silent sea wonhao universe
> space pirates/found family/96z demon summoning universe
> [redacted] gift fic
> seokgyu thesis - either on dw or as ao3 longform
> our beloved summer gyuhao au

thank u for reading through this if u get the chance!! i'm excited to spend 2022 together w/ u all <3 also im sorry in advance for formatting i still don't understand dw html sometimes xoxo